I have already talked about gaslighting but it’s worth hitting on again. To me, it is the worst aspect of narcissism. From the very beginning when a boy pulls a girls hair or punches her and makes her cry. She’s told “that means he likes you and that’s the only way he knows how to show it.” Instead of “he should be taught to show his affection the right way.” So she grows up believing that crap.
So the little girl grows up thinking she can make it stop by trying harder. She learns to doubt her own judgment. She becomes bait for a narcissist. Sometimes a narcissist plays many at a time and feeds them all lies using them against one another.
All liars are manipulators that the abuser wants to control. He will tell friends and therapists that she drinks, makes crazy accusations, is insanely jealous, when the reality is that he is the one doing these things.
The gaslighter fatigues the victim until they create insecurity. They do this by constant lies and exaggerations. They also keep the victim on the defense. Gaslighting is mental abuse. I have felt as if I’m going crazy many times. I am still trying to figure out how someone gets pleasure out of this. My gaslighter has caused severe self-esteem issues in me.
When you are constantly put down, you feel as if you can’t do anything right. Example: you are told the house is a mess so you begin to clean. He then begins to yell because the game is on and your cleaning is a distraction. No matter what you do it’s wrong. You cook but it’s wrong. “My mom didn’t make it that way!”
- “All you do is whine!” Just because you said you hurt because you have arthritis. Every time you make a comment you’re “whining”. Yet he sits there watching a game cursing at the TV.
- “You’re making that up!
- “You imagined that!”
- “That never happened!
- “You don’t remember things clearly!” He swore that a map of the hospital came with directions of where I was going but it was written directions only.
- “There you go again! You’re so ungrateful!” This could be used against me about any comment I make.
- I am shamed into going to the gym. “You’d be slimmer and hurt less if you’d go to the gym more. I guess you don’t care how flabby you look!”
- Somedays I want to run away to somewhere nobody knows me and start over but I’m too old to do that.
- If you see any of these signs, before you go further into a relationship, dig into his background and talk to exes if you can. Get out before you get too far in. Love and light.