The discard is the hardest piece of narcissism for the fuel source. I hate to call them victims because we are willing participants. When one is being devalued for the discard, you will never know what causes it. The narcissist will “ghost” on you which is disappearing for days, weeks, months, or even years without a word and then reappear as if nothing happened and no time passed. He or she may have been living with someone else or on a deserted island for all you will ever know.
He or she will tell you they need time away from you and highly guard their phone. Mine told me he was going to an exe’s house for the weekend for a party and I wasn’t invited because he wanted to drink and have fun and he couldn’t do that with me. He said I was insanely jealous because I’m fat and it’s not his fault I let myself go. He said he always had female friends and none of his exes cared if he partied with them. He said he even let an ex go to Vegas with another man. I say it’s disrespectful when you’re “with” someone to want to spend the weekend with an ex.
When I said “fine, when you do that I’m going to fly to see an old male friend,” it was changed to: “well, nothing’s been confirmed yet.” What’s good for the gander is good for the goose and if he goes I will too. I am tired of being a robot and told what I will and won’t do. If it means a break-up then it does but it will be final even if it tears my heart out. I’m too old to play this game again. He is still on a dating site and has his eye on a particular woman two hours away who he says is dying to date him but who can believe a narc? I have caught him in many lies. Some he doesn’t even know about. Some I verified with his parents.
I have seen some of the women he has dated in the past and he should be happy to be with me. Some wouldn’t give him sex and were dumb as rocks. Some were uneducated and had menial jobs. Some were plain ugly. Since I changed my make up I have been getting a lot of looks from males and compliments from females. I am educated, soft spoken, polite, and have common sense. He, however, has talked me into significant debt and caused me to have low self esteem because of his comments about how “hot” other women look. He also tells me I can’t cook but no one else has ever complained.
A narc will tell you anything to suck you dry and make you feel bad about yourself because that is where they draw his or her power from. They want to be like you so by making you feel bad, they build themselves up. Some of these dysfunctional relationships go on for years. As long as 40 or 50 in some cases. And boy does the fuel source look it after being cheated on, lied to, left time after time and returned to. He or she has been sucked dry of emotions and sometimes death is welcome. Many fuel sources commit suicide so anyone who thinks that narcissism is just an ego problem needs to know what it does to those in a relationship with a narcissist. Whether it be a spouse, parent, boss, etc.
As I said before, I seem to be a magnet for narcissists. Two relationships including one marriage, and two bosses who were married to each other. The female I figured out pretty quick how to handle but the male was so vicious I ended up suing for workplace harrassment. The couple’s marriage lasted about two years and he totally destroyed her during that time. Please let me hear from you if you can relate as either the fuel source or the narcissist.