When speaking of a narcissist the first word that comes to mind is “selfishness.” The “me” mentality. Most narcs are lazy takers who dont want to be alone. When my narc’s long time fiancee’ left with the clothes on her back and a couple of suitcases, he was alone nine years and just sat in his house. Even though they bore easily he swears he saw no one during that time and had erectile dysfunction because of her leaving.
However, his addiction to gambling didn’t keep him from the casino. They can’t delay self-gratification. When in a relationship they look for giver flaws and can’t accept blame. He did nothing to cause her to leave according to him. Narcs live minute to minute and don’t worry if he or she just spent their last dime on their next drug fix or bet.
They lie constantly even when there is mo reason to and Heaven forbid you call them out on it. When the giver is criticized they are called “overly sensitive.” They beat you down verbally until you become numb and ply you with toxic lies until you doubt your own sanity. Rude comments and insults become staples. The sex is great but that may be the only thing going for him or her.
Not all narcs care about looking great. They tell you you are their soulmate but keep as many old girlfriends on the string as they can. However, if you do the same with boyfriends you’re a player and a whore. They are illogical and lacking in reasoning skills, living on the edge of psychosis.
They are vampires feeding off the energy of their givers. Their fuel is stress, anxiety, frustration, anger and they get really loud and obnoxious when angry. Any small infraction can set off a rage and the fuel will never know what really caused it because narcs aren’t rational.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a narc be ready for his or her addiction, lies, over use of hand gestures, know it all attitude, rudeness, and no common sense. They will be nice to friends and neighbors but terrible to fuel sources. Expect constant criticism, guilt trips, and constant questions. I can’t use my phone without telling him what I’m doing or who I’m messaging. They will bully, manipulate, have your opinion laughed at, and you will be embarrassed because he or she has no manners.
You will develop a trauma bond if you stay which is like saying: “Aside from the shooting, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” Abusers never change because they don’t see anything wrong with his or her behavior. All of these lovely attributes can belong to you if you belong to a narc.