Today I went to therapy with my narc and the whole session was spent with him projecting on me. He said I was addicted to sex and porn when its him who spends hours looking at porn models and talking about how he just lifted his exes up against the wall and had sex with them but I’m too big. Well why don’t you just spit on me. One minute I’m his Queen of Hearts and the next he wants to break up. I finally just broke down today. I really dont know how much more abuse I can take. His therapist and his dad have both told him not to talk to me the way he does.
Life with a narc is like having old wounds opened and salt poured in. One experiences paranoia at maybe doing or saying something wrong, sadness, confusion, thoughts of being better off dead, the end of innocence, non stop being lied to, the feeling of inferiority, and any other negative feeling you can think of.
Expect mind fuckery, no emotions from the narc, and having your mental health endangered daily. He or she will idealize every old fuel source they ever had and curse them in the same breath. They will ask you what is wrong with you when they are the messed up one. He or she will tell you that the opposite sex all want them but no one is knocking the door down. They will embarrass you in public with their childish addictions. Keep you monetarily impoverished so that you cant escape. Often have creepy behaviors. And cover up insecurities with maliciousness.
They constantly scheme (what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs too.) They mock you, laugh at you behind your back, cheat on you, and insult you. They criticize your cooking, cleaning, child rearing, monitor who you talk to and where you go. This isn’t living! It’s barely existing. They watch to see when you are the most emotionally vulnerable to launch the next verbal or emotional attack. This is the shit he or she feeds off of. They drain you until you are so weak you can’t fight back anymore. This is their vampirish behavior that bleeds you to death but fills them up.
Emotional abuse equals control and manipulation. He or she doesn’t take no for an answer. They take delight in shooting down boundaries. You as the fuel source think: “If I were just thinner, prettier, smarter, more perfect, he or she would love me.” WRONG! Even if you were all these things it would never be enough! Don’t give up on yourself! Never stop looking for your true love. You have to suck the poison out yourself sometimes after being bitten by the asp. I’m working on my demons. If I can help one person escape the talons of a narc and start working on self-love I will have succeeded. Love and light!