Help! My Soul Is Bleeding!

You get to a point when in a relationship with a narcissist where your soul is affected. Being told constantly that you’re not relationship material just good enough for a friend with benefits makes you raw and bloody. I don’t feel we argue that much but he tries to make it sound as if he never had arguments with exes even when he told me he did. I would like to have heard just one of those arguments for comparison.

He says he won’t date a smoker but I know if he found her sexy enough he would and has. He criticizes my clothes (your pants dont fit right, too many flower prints..I’m not dating my grandma,) my intentions when I talk to other males, I’m on my phone too much, etc. He listens in to every conversation I have and tells me what to say even though I have held professional positions my whole life and am very professional on the phone.

He says I’m not capable of handling my own affairs even though when he had a million dollar business he paid no attention to it or his partners. Preferring instead to travel the country with his racing dogs while they were illegally doing mortgage fraud and they all got felonies out of it. His fiancee stole all his money because they had a joint account that she closed out. So who can’t handle their own affairs?

Yet I’m too stupid to sign up for any give away so I’m not to do any internet business. Yet he goes every week to casino drawings that has about 100,000/1 odds and always has to lose money playing while he’s there. He says he loves me but doesnt want to spend all his time with me. When I’m upset I get the silent treatment because I should never get mad. I should just be lucky to be with him. He can spend my money but I can’t unless I ask.

His lies become reality, I embarrass him, he says I’m not polite yet he almost plowed over someone in a W/C at the casino and the man said “excuse you” and he never acknowledged him even though I know he heard him so I apologized. The word “fuck” is a staple in his language even around kids which drives me nuts.

He told the therapist that if I can’t or won’t go to the gym with him he will find a female exercise buddy because he doesn’t want another male pushing him past his comfort zone and women don’t do that. So if you want a huge gaping hole in your soul, ignore the red flags that start early on. Go ahead and fall in love with the vampire who will suck your soul right out of your body and leave you a seared mummy of yourself.

Don’t ever expect any accolades from him or her. I sing very well but if I hum he tells me to quit “moaning.” My ex narc also wouldn’t let me hum. Neither of them could carry a tune in a bucket with 4 hands and 2 handles. Was this jealousy? He makes fun of my writing because I am working on a fiction book. Whatever I do or say is mocked, because I like sex I’m a nympho, sometimes I wonder why I get up. But my mantra to stay alive is “every day is getting better.” Because if you don’t believe that you are stuck in the same place every day. So break those stupid rules. Piss off the narc. If you don’t have the courage to leave, make sure they do the discard and when they do go total no contact. Change your phone number, block your social media, move if you can, anything to let them know you are no longer interested even if you are. Don’t just put a bandage on your soul, have major surgery. Love and light.

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I am a published author on dementia and a survivor of narcissistic abuse. This site is designed to help you identify narcissists and their trademarks and the pitfalls to avoid.

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