He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

The worst part of being fuel for a narcissist is the blood of drama that he or she needs to survive. They aren’t happy if they aren’t making someone else unhappy. Mainly their relationship supply.

One minute they are holding your hand, the next pushing it away. One minute complimenting you on your dress and the next telling you how fat, disgusting, you look in it. How many woman or men in their past have you been introduced to or have had to hear about that they have had sex with? At least my second husband never compared me to women from his past. I didn’t have to hear about the color of her nylons or how she always wore dresses and heels like I do now.

He didn’t sleep with me after his heart surgery but it was because he had to sleep sitting up in order to breathe. Now I just get this narcs back turned to me and even though he doesn’t want sex he wants me to sleep nude even though I’m not comfortable.

If we’re in public and a woman is rubbing her man’s head or shoulder, I have to hear: “You never do that. You’re the first woman who doesnt sit on my lap or kiss me, or…whatever”. But when were in bed and I reach for him he pushes me away every time leaving me confused so I let him make the first move.

He’s always putting me down telling me to quit “Acting retarded,” etc. I’m well educated and a published author. He’s the one that acts retarded getting loud and lying about things when he gets caught. He thinks all women are stupid and need looked after by a man. He told me the other day that when we met he had several thousand dollars saved which was totally not true. He lies about this kind of thing even when he knows I know it’s not true.

I walk on eggshells all the time because I never know what will set him off. Wanting time alone. Not wanting time alone. Buying the wrong brand at the store. Going to the wrong store. It’s a guessing game for me of what will set him off. I do all the menial work but it has to be to his specifications. If not there’s hell to pay. If I’m on my phone too long, if the recycle isn’t clean enough, socks or underwear folded wrong, all are punishable infractions for a tongue lashing and name calling session. Be blessed. Love and light.