Perhaps we should define some terms. These are terms used when talking about narcissism. TRIANGULATION: Pitting an ex or family member against a current partner. Example: “my ex did everything for me.” You do hardly anything. He or she does this to make you feel inferior. GASLIGHTING: making you feel as if you are or have lost your sanity. Example: ” I saw you run over a dog.” You know you never hit a dog. HOOVERING: discarding you then sucking you back like a vacuum cleaner. Example: “I’m moving out because I’m sick of you!” Then spying on you on social media. Driving by your house. Texting you, calling, etc. DISCARDING: devaluing you getting ready to leave you. Example: “I’ve had enough of you. I’m ready for somebody new!” FLYING MONKEYS: spies who are usually friends that the narc has watching you. LOVE BOMBING: in the beginning of the relationship with the narc, they mirror you and tell you how beautiful, smart, etc. you are. Example: “You are my soul mate. I love you so much. I want to marry you!” DEVALUATION: once secure in the relationship, the betrayal starts. Compliments are replaced with insults. Example: snide remarks, rages, the narc making you feel not good enough.
If the narc is male, he can talk about any woman he wants. However, you shouldn’t talk about anyone you’ve been with. “Don’t look away when I’m talking to you and put that phone down!” He or she has to be the center of the universe. When you’re not together, you have to be in constant contact disguised as concern reporting in as to where you are, what you’re doing.
You will be physically sick. He or she knows everything about everything. They are loud, obnoxious, will cause PTSD, you will always walk on eggshells. If the narc is a he, he will want to pick your clothes out, prepare meals his way, wear your hair his way. And when we don’t meet their expectations, we disappoint them.
When we cry, it gives them power. We watch on TV what he or she wants to watch without question. They get bored and restless easily. This is one reason they can’t be faithful. Until they get tired of us and ghost us which is disappearing for long periods of time without contact and either stay gone or watch us from afar. This is what you can expect from a relationship with a narc. Love and light.