Rage from a narc can be sudden anger or hurtful sarcasm. What is different about this rage is that from normal anger, it is cutting and usually because the narcs needs or wants aren’t being met. Causes can include when the narc doesnt get his or her way or isn’t the center of attention. The narc suffers an egotistical blow.
Narcs are like children who when they don’t get his or her way, throw a tantrum. This causes strained family relationships, divorce, isolation, abandonment, legal issues, and fear of being alone. When he or she doesn’t get their way in feelings of entitlements, not recognizing others feelings and being told about it, or criticism of any kind, it can and most likely will result in a rage.
The rage is a defense mechanism and can appear unprovoked. The victim is attacked verbally and sometimes physically. Shameful feelings such as stress, anxiety, and frustration can all lead to rages. It can grow from mild to violent in a heartbeat. The rage is always a result of narcissistic injury.
For anyone living with a narc you need to know the rages are NOT your fault. People in the narc’s life are usually hypervigilant which causes anxiety. The slightest slip can start a rage. Repeat to yourself “Not my fault nor my responsibility.” The narc has the inability to rationally handle certain situations which result in explosive rages. Narcs get cruel during arguments.
The narc knows your buttons and triggers and how to make you feel small. “Selfish” is a word he or she uses often and will project onto you. Narcs are wired differently to be abusive and include name calling, slurs, and walking out to cheat. Dont argue back or expect apologies. Put yourself first by remembering it’s not your problem, it’s theirs.
The rages include humiliation, insults, and control and manipulation. Mood swings from romantic to raging in minutes, nitpicking, keeping you from family, blaming you for everything, screaming over nothing. They will tell you how inadequate you are compared to exes (they were thinner, sexier, prettier, etc.)
I came across a parable the other day:
Taking a walk in the country the other day, a man came across a farmhouse with a big porch. An old man was sitting in a rocking chair and his hound dog at his feet. The porch faced the sun and the hound was thumping his tail to the beat of the rocking chair.
But every now and then, the dog let out a yelp of pain. The man walked closer to the porch and said “Hey, what’s wrong with your dog?” The old man said ” Nothing, he seems OK.” Just then the dog let out another yelp. ” Why does he yelp and cry like that?” The man asked. The old man scratched his head and explained. “Well, he likes to lay in the sun there but there’s a nail that sticks up through the floor that pokes him. Puzzled the man asked “Then why doesn’t he lay somewhere else?” The man thought a minute and said “I guess it doesn’t hurt enough yet.”_______Unknown
Love and light