This is the proverbial “I say I love you but actions speak louder than words.” My narc and I recently went on a 6 hour trip. He knows that I don’t care for Michael Jackson or for that matter most black music. Im not racist, I just don’t like the yowling and Michael’s stupid little noises and faces and grabbing his crotch. I don’t like white singers who rap or howl either.
That’s just my opinion and you’re free to have yours. Anyway, my narc knows all this yet he puts in a Michael Jackson CD and plays a particular song that I dislike about 10 times. For the next 30 miles he proceeds to play the entire CD over and over. He then puts on Al Green who screamed and yowled until I thought I was going to lose it.
Now he also had ABBA whom I adore and the Beatles but he only played crap that made my anxiety level sky high! He kept looking at me to see if I looked peeved. So I thought if I tried not to he would stop offending my ears. Eventually he did.
We then had to eat where he wanted even after he asked me where I wanted to eat. He asked where I wanted to stay then drove to where he wanted to stay. Anything to put me in my place and let me know my opinion doesn’t matter is what he does.
If I want to watch something on TV, he will watch something he’s not even interested in so that I can’t. Such is the “love” of a narc. They have to be in control no matter what it is. He tells me every word to say when I’m on the phone. Does all the talking for me when I go to the doctor’s office. In fact, some doctors have asked him not to come in until they have talked to me first.
He lies about everything although he denies it. I smoke a Swisher Sweet about every 4-6 months. He asked me not to anymore and I said “I’m done.” I meant at that time. We were at a Chinese restaurant and my grandson wanted change for the vending machine. I was in the bathroom and my narc started rummaging in my purse and found a cigar and a lighter.
He began screaming at me and calling me a liar and said relationships won’t survive if one is a liar. Later I noticed the cigar and lighter were gone but I said nothing. Later he said to me that my grandson threw something in the fish pond that looked like a candy wrapper and he left it. Now who’s the liar? And the lighter was gone also. It’s all about what the narc wants. Why do we subsist on the narcs crumbs that he or she calls love? Im trying to figure that out. Love and light.