“Don’t be the next victim by rescuing everyone that seems to be drowning. Some aren’t drowning, they’re plotting!” I dont know who to attribute this quote to but it certainly pertains to the narc who is gaslighting his or her victim. The term gaslighting comes from the 1944 movie “Gaslight” in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is insane causing her to question her reality.
A narc gaslights his or her victim in order to brainwash, use mind control, and inflict emotional abuse upon them. They will lie, deny, attack what is dear to you, make snide comments to wear you down, and while you are busy defending yourself it distracts from the narcs behavior. An example of this is my being depressed and in order to keep from getting raged at I just stayed silent.
My narc then called me a “pouting cunt” and then put my mother down by calling her “retarded”. Something he had said repeatedly because he disagreed with a decision she made regarding my brother. They will try to turn people against you by lying about you so that other people won’t believe you. The narc tells everyone that you are the liar.
The narc knows that confusion weakens people and he or she is a master of confusion. They will tell you that something happened that you know didn’t or tell you that something didn’t happen that you know did. For example: one of my narc relationships told his therapist while I was present, that I cut a car off causing the driver to jump the curb, run in someone’s yard, and crash into a light pole. That was no more true than me pulling a gun on him.
He told the therapist that he remembered exactly which yard it was so when I told him to take me there so that I could ask the homeowner he stated he would. However, when we left the therapist’s office he denied saying he knew where exactly it happened. The narcs actions often don’t match his or her words. They will often try to isolate you and project on you confusing you to the point that you question if something really happened or not. They are psychological bullies who often lie so much they believe their own lies.
Once upon a time the mother of the garden planted a narcissis bulb under a shady bush in sandy soil. The plant had to fight for every nutrient and ray of sunshine from the weeds it was growing with who were hardier to the environment. One day the little plant decided to fill its head with nothing but survival tactics. So it pushed its roots deep and stretched its head straight up to the sun. He decided if he took all of the nutrients and the weeds didnt make it it wasn’t his fault.
So when the mother saw the strength of the little plant, she decided that he was special and told him so. She then transplanted him to the soil rich, sunny, patch where the beautiful flowers grew. He was planted next to a lily-of-the-valley who he thought was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Her bright, white blooms and fragrance were intoxicating.
Before she knew what had happened he had intertwined his roots with her and told her daily how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to be with her. They spent their days soaking up the sunshine and the warm rain. The narcissis told the lily how he had to fight growing up because their mother neglected him and how he had to fight the weeds to get where he was. The lily thought he was very brave to have sur-vived and she told him this every day and how lucky she was to be with him.
Then one day the mother planted a beautiful purple and yellow pansy on the other side of him and he gradually entwined his roots with the pansy except for one spindly root and stopped talking to her. He then intertwined with the pansy and gave her all his attention. The lily asked what she had done to lose his affections but was only answered with silence.
The lily cried at night over his lost affections and tried to loose that last root he held to her with but she couldn’t do it. The narcissis would ask her a question once in a while to keep her engaged but kept his hold on the pansy as his main source who told him the same things the lily once had. Then the mother planted a pink stripped petunia behind him and he turned his affections to her keeping one root entwined with the pansy and one with the lily refusing to let either one completely go.
This is the way the narcissist treats his relationships. Whether you identify with the narcissist or as an abuse survivor. Stay tuned to find out what makes a narcissist act the way he or she does and makes an abuse victim trauma bonded with him or her.