Magnet and Steel

As I have stated earlier, I seem to be a narc magnet. From relationships to bosses. I had two narc bosses back to back who were married to each other. The female was there first and as long as her orders were followed to the letter and she always got gifts for holidays and birthdays she was manageable. I watched their rotten ass dog when they went out of town which upset my household with my dogs but I wanted to stay in her good graces.

She begged him to marry her and boy was that a mistake. He went back and forth and finally asked her. He cheated on his first wife with whom he had a son and they hated each other. They only communicated when it was about their son. The Male boss couldn’t keep a job so his wife, who was there first, quit and recommended him since it was easier for her to find a job being less of an asshole than he.

When he came my job became impossible. He was not only full of himself but he expected his employees to literally worship him. If he had a meeting outside of the facility his line was “don’t cry until I’m back. I will be back!” He had his favorites and those like me that he picked on daily. He would yell and curse at me daily I’m front of my colleagues and thank God he fired so many people that when I sued the facility for harrassment, they were willing to testify in my favor. I won. It didn’t help that he liked the woman under me and she wasn’t keen on me so they had little meetings to bash me. He put me on an improvement plan that would have been impossible to fix in the time he expected it to be. The bad part was he chastised me for things his wife had told me to do but she denied.

He frequently made fun of unattractive or heavy women who worked there and everyone was scared for their job. When I quit with no notice, he hired his buddy from a rival business. It is my belief that he is a closet gay. The only people he can get along with are men. He and the female boss were only married about two years.

She caught him cheating two hours from home before they were married but she married him anyway. He was seen by many others out with other women always younger than him and subordinate to him. She always made an excuse for him. She even gave her kids to an alcoholic ex husband because he didn’t like them. When he was finished with her she was a wreck. She needed a therapist and a month at a spa. Of course she was used to taking very good care of herself. She had had a boob job and a body lift before she met him.

She had a hysterectomy while they were married so at least she didnt have any kids with the SOB. However, karma has a way of getting even. He ended up with a bowel disease that requires steroids. He has gained a massive amount of weight and his face is so bloated he is almost unrecognizable. He looks so bad he took his profile off of social media. Sometimes what goes around, comes around in the most curious of ways. Love and light.

Who’s A Narc?

I have a background in psychology but I am not a doctor. However, I’ve researched it enough to know that because it’s not a disease it’s not curable. It is categorized as a personality disorder. It is marked with arrogance, cockiness, and inability to handle criticism. He or she has a sense of entitlement, a history of troubled relationships, fragile self esteem, and exaggerated achievements and talents.

They take advantage of others, they scheme, and want the best of everything like champagne on a beer budget. He or she cannot regulate their emotions and behaviors. They are usually depressed and moody and don’t take their actions personally. They seek fuel, nothing else. They take credit and give blame. They are energy sucking vampires.

My second husband husband had narcissistic traits and was diagnosed as a narc but he also was empathetic and had a good heart. But he said things that cut my soul in half. Such as “I don’t care if it’s with black coffee and cigarettes but if you don’t lose weight, you’ll come home one day and I’ll be gone!”

One night we were watching a biography on Jayne Mansfield and he said: “I’d sure have liked to fuck her! She looked that good cause I bet she didn’t eat dumplin’ soup!” We had been out for lunch and I had eaten that. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to my girls at times and once spit in my 17 year old’s face. But she’s an empath like me and took care of him his last few months.

Bullying, projection, lying, entitlement and at least one addiction seem to be on the narcs menu. I haven’t had very many happy days in my adult life because of the partners I seem to pick. I’m trying to be more discerning but unless you’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you can never explain it or make someone understand. Love and light.

Help! My Soul Is Bleeding!

You get to a point when in a relationship with a narcissist where your soul is affected. Being told constantly that you’re not relationship material just good enough for a friend with benefits makes you raw and bloody. I don’t feel we argue that much but he tries to make it sound as if he never had arguments with exes even when he told me he did. I would like to have heard just one of those arguments for comparison.

He says he won’t date a smoker but I know if he found her sexy enough he would and has. He criticizes my clothes (your pants dont fit right, too many flower prints..I’m not dating my grandma,) my intentions when I talk to other males, I’m on my phone too much, etc. He listens in to every conversation I have and tells me what to say even though I have held professional positions my whole life and am very professional on the phone.

He says I’m not capable of handling my own affairs even though when he had a million dollar business he paid no attention to it or his partners. Preferring instead to travel the country with his racing dogs while they were illegally doing mortgage fraud and they all got felonies out of it. His fiancee stole all his money because they had a joint account that she closed out. So who can’t handle their own affairs?

Yet I’m too stupid to sign up for any give away so I’m not to do any internet business. Yet he goes every week to casino drawings that has about 100,000/1 odds and always has to lose money playing while he’s there. He says he loves me but doesnt want to spend all his time with me. When I’m upset I get the silent treatment because I should never get mad. I should just be lucky to be with him. He can spend my money but I can’t unless I ask.

His lies become reality, I embarrass him, he says I’m not polite yet he almost plowed over someone in a W/C at the casino and the man said “excuse you” and he never acknowledged him even though I know he heard him so I apologized. The word “fuck” is a staple in his language even around kids which drives me nuts.

He told the therapist that if I can’t or won’t go to the gym with him he will find a female exercise buddy because he doesn’t want another male pushing him past his comfort zone and women don’t do that. So if you want a huge gaping hole in your soul, ignore the red flags that start early on. Go ahead and fall in love with the vampire who will suck your soul right out of your body and leave you a seared mummy of yourself.

Don’t ever expect any accolades from him or her. I sing very well but if I hum he tells me to quit “moaning.” My ex narc also wouldn’t let me hum. Neither of them could carry a tune in a bucket with 4 hands and 2 handles. Was this jealousy? He makes fun of my writing because I am working on a fiction book. Whatever I do or say is mocked, because I like sex I’m a nympho, sometimes I wonder why I get up. But my mantra to stay alive is “every day is getting better.” Because if you don’t believe that you are stuck in the same place every day. So break those stupid rules. Piss off the narc. If you don’t have the courage to leave, make sure they do the discard and when they do go total no contact. Change your phone number, block your social media, move if you can, anything to let them know you are no longer interested even if you are. Don’t just put a bandage on your soul, have major surgery. Love and light.

Playing With The Queen of Hearts

Today I went to therapy with my narc and the whole session was spent with him projecting on me. He said I was addicted to sex and porn when its him who spends hours looking at porn models and talking about how he just lifted his exes up against the wall and had sex with them but I’m too big. Well why don’t you just spit on me. One minute I’m his Queen of Hearts and the next he wants to break up. I finally just broke down today. I really dont know how much more abuse I can take. His therapist and his dad have both told him not to talk to me the way he does.

Life with a narc is like having old wounds opened and salt poured in. One experiences paranoia at maybe doing or saying something wrong, sadness, confusion, thoughts of being better off dead, the end of innocence, non stop being lied to, the feeling of inferiority, and any other negative feeling you can think of.

Expect mind fuckery, no emotions from the narc, and having your mental health endangered daily. He or she will idealize every old fuel source they ever had and curse them in the same breath. They will ask you what is wrong with you when they are the messed up one. He or she will tell you that the opposite sex all want them but no one is knocking the door down. They will embarrass you in public with their childish addictions. Keep you monetarily impoverished so that you cant escape. Often have creepy behaviors. And cover up insecurities with maliciousness.

They constantly scheme (what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs too.) They mock you, laugh at you behind your back, cheat on you, and insult you. They criticize your cooking, cleaning, child rearing, monitor who you talk to and where you go. This isn’t living! It’s barely existing. They watch to see when you are the most emotionally vulnerable to launch the next verbal or emotional attack. This is the shit he or she feeds off of. They drain you until you are so weak you can’t fight back anymore. This is their vampirish behavior that bleeds you to death but fills them up.

Emotional abuse equals control and manipulation. He or she doesn’t take no for an answer. They take delight in shooting down boundaries. You as the fuel source think: “If I were just thinner, prettier, smarter, more perfect, he or she would love me.” WRONG! Even if you were all these things it would never be enough! Don’t give up on yourself! Never stop looking for your true love. You have to suck the poison out yourself sometimes after being bitten by the asp. I’m working on my demons. If I can help one person escape the talons of a narc and start working on self-love I will have succeeded. Love and light!

Me, Me, Me

When speaking of a narcissist the first word that comes to mind is “selfishness.” The “me” mentality. Most narcs are lazy takers who dont want to be alone. When my narc’s long time fiancee’ left with the clothes on her back and a couple of suitcases, he was alone nine years and just sat in his house. Even though they bore easily he swears he saw no one during that time and had erectile dysfunction because of her leaving.

However, his addiction to gambling didn’t keep him from the casino. They can’t delay self-gratification. When in a relationship they look for giver flaws and can’t accept blame. He did nothing to cause her to leave according to him. Narcs live minute to minute and don’t worry if he or she just spent their last dime on their next drug fix or bet.

They lie constantly even when there is mo reason to and Heaven forbid you call them out on it. When the giver is criticized they are called “overly sensitive.” They beat you down verbally until you become numb and ply you with toxic lies until you doubt your own sanity. Rude comments and insults become staples. The sex is great but that may be the only thing going for him or her.

Not all narcs care about looking great. They tell you you are their soulmate but keep as many old girlfriends on the string as they can. However, if you do the same with boyfriends you’re a player and a whore. They are illogical and lacking in reasoning skills, living on the edge of psychosis.

They are vampires feeding off the energy of their givers. Their fuel is stress, anxiety, frustration, anger and they get really loud and obnoxious when angry. Any small infraction can set off a rage and the fuel will never know what really caused it because narcs aren’t rational.

If you are going to be in a relationship with a narc be ready for his or her addiction, lies, over use of hand gestures, know it all attitude, rudeness, and no common sense. They will be nice to friends and neighbors but terrible to fuel sources. Expect constant criticism, guilt trips, and constant questions. I can’t use my phone without telling him what I’m doing or who I’m messaging. They will bully, manipulate, have your opinion laughed at, and you will be embarrassed because he or she has no manners.

You will develop a trauma bond if you stay which is like saying: “Aside from the shooting, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” Abusers never change because they don’t see anything wrong with his or her behavior. All of these lovely attributes can belong to you if you belong to a narc.

Why, Why, Why

Why is a question one will ask him or her self over and over again when engaged with a narcissist. Why did I get involved? Why didn’t I leave when I discovered he/she was a narc? Why do I take the abuse? Not one of us will answer those questions the same. He asks: “Why did you let yourself go like you have?” “Why are you so stupid?” “Why do you lie all the time?” I get so tired of the negativity. Even if the question isn’t why it’s “you never…” “you always…” I get so tired of these generalities.

All I hear is “My dad said…”. I have never heard a grown man depend on his dad’s opinions like my narc. I also don’t believe his dad says everything the narc says he says either. His opinions of me he says comes from his dad. His dad says they don’t. So I feel caught. However, I’ve caught my narc in so many falsehoods I believe his dad when he says these are not his words. When I am writing, he always finds things for me to do to interrupt me. I do a lot of research on my phone and put notes on my phone when I think of clever things and he resents when he doesnt have my full attention.

I’m sick and tired of being compared to the women in his past. I dont care how thin they were or how he could pick them up, put them against the wall and fuck them because they were so small. I don’t care how many attractive partners he’s had. I’m the type person who will put up with this until one day the straw breaks the camel’s back and I go nuts, pack up and just go.

He tells me everytime I do something that makes him mad that he can replace me in a heartbeat cause he’s still attractive enough to get somebody better than me. Then he wonders why I’m depressed, angry, anxious, and an insomniac. He tells me I’m incapable of going to the doctor by myself because I don’t tell them everything (not true). The doctors find him obnoxious and very uneducated about my health matters and he lies about it too. He has to control every aspect of my life knowing who called or messaged me. Where I’m going and how long I’ll be gone. Yet he’ll go to the casino and not communicate with me for hours.

My friends and family cannot understand how I let this go on because I’ve never been like this before. I have a temper and holding in the anger and hurt that I feel most of the time is killing me. I wait daily for the discard and even though he says he loves me, I feel as if he met a thinner, prettier woman he’d cheat on me and leave me in a heartbeat. Living with this knowledge daily is killing me.

He doesnt hold his anger in, he yells at me daily and if I don’t answer him immediately he says: “Hello…..”. Which makes me furious if I’m thinking about how I want to answer. I’ve learned to choose my words carefully. Then he will say something like: ” Did you get hold of that girl about that situation?” If I ask “what situation?” He will scream: “duh! What do you think I’m talking about?” And make a stupid face at me. He also says things such as how organized he is when that isn’t true at all. He shouts orders at me all day long ie: ” Cook me some soup, find a pair of black socks, my silk shirt, scrub the toilet, you dont like to clean do you?” I clean all the recycling, do the cooking, cleaning, but it’s never good enough. Now my questions are beginning to be “why”. Why do I allow myself to be treated like this? Why do I give him the power to take away my joy? Why….?

Say What?

Narcs love to confuse you. They also start many sentences with: “You never…” example: ” say I love you back, take my hand first, tell me things you should,” etc. The other day I told my partner that the doctor called back and what he said. When I mentioned it two days later he said: “You never told me that.”

When I told him that I most certainly did and told him he was watching a game on TV, he said: “Well you should know better than to tell me anything important when I’m into a game. Yet when he’s talking I have to stop what I’m doing and look at him.

He tells me I’m unorganized yet he has a filing cabinet that has files from a 20 year ago failed business in it and his recent papers are piled all over his living room. He tells me everything to say when I’m on the phone like I’m a two year old and he asks the same questions over and over when I let him talk to the person on the phone.

He has anxiety and depression but rather than take anything for it he just gets loud and makes an idiot out of himself saying the same thing over and over or asking the same questions over and over. If it’s me who has upset him he just threatens: “I’ve never had a woman who did that or acted like that and I should just dump your ass!” Then in 10 minutes he’s calling me “honey” and acting as if nothing happened.

My health has never been worse as far as migraines, stomach aches, and other somatic ailments are concerned. Some days I can barely get through the day. I’ve had a migraine for two days because we were broke down 2 days out of town 4 hours away and he left me at the shop where the car was being fixed all day long while he walked the town. The reason? I would understand better what the mechanics were saying than he would. Anytime there is dirty work I get stuck doing it.

He writes down my transgressions and I found a piece of paper today that he had written down things about me that made me furious. Things like: “She lays around and smokes cigars. She’s unorganized, jealous, etc.” First off I smoke a Swisher Sweet once in a great while. I’m not allowed to clean in his aparment because he doesnt like the way I clean. I can’t get him to mount my TV so I have to watch TV at his apartment and I’m not gonna stand up and watch it. I do all the cleaning that’s done in his place, all the shopping, he makes me wash all the recycle with soap, yet he says all i do is lay around. One just never knows what a Narc’s going to say next does one?

I Want To Suck The Life Out Of You

Anyone associated with a narcissist knows that you stay emotionally and physically drained. They are vampires who suck the life out of you. You are stressed, develop eating disorders, you’re too tired to deal with anyone but the narcissist, and anxious and depressed. You may even toy with suicide. You spend your life walking on glass and praying it doesn’t crunch loud enough to cause a rage to develop in the narc.

You’re told you can’t cook, you’re too fat/thin, you dont dress right, you’re too clingy/distant. When things do go right for a week or two and you start to let your guard down, the narcissist hits you below the belt crippling you then goes for your emotional jugular…again. The assaults are never far enough in between to allow you to heal so they keep you sick and weak.

You feel as if you are being smothered by living in a coffin. My narc tells me that I’m around him too much but when I’m not he comes looking for me to suck out whatever energy I might have gathered from being away. I used to check out the lies but I just dont have the energy anymore. I just assume that if it doesnt sound right it isn’t. Confronting does no good anyway and the stupid explanations just leave me scratching my head.

If he cheats, he does. I’ll eventually find out. Women know those things. I’m accused of being possessive and jealous so from now on I’m not telling him how addicted I am to him or anything else. When he starts asking me his insecure questions I’m just going to say “uh-huh” or shake my head. Poison to a narc is when they think their fuel supply is losing interest. I don’t understand how happy-go-lucky, healthy, people can become food for the narc vampires. We are smart, educated, and EMPATHETIC. The e word is what gets us. We feel the raging hunger in the narc and we always think we are enough to fill it but we cannot no matter how much we want to help them. No man or woman is an island. Sometimes I feel so drained I feel as if I’ve almost been bleed to death. Please leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

The Goodbye Girl

The discard is the hardest piece of narcissism for the fuel source. I hate to call them victims because we are willing participants. When one is being devalued for the discard, you will never know what causes it. The narcissist will “ghost” on you which is disappearing for days, weeks, months, or even years without a word and then reappear as if nothing happened and no time passed. He or she may have been living with someone else or on a deserted island for all you will ever know.

He or she will tell you they need time away from you and highly guard their phone. Mine told me he was going to an exe’s house for the weekend for a party and I wasn’t invited because he wanted to drink and have fun and he couldn’t do that with me. He said I was insanely jealous because I’m fat and it’s not his fault I let myself go. He said he always had female friends and none of his exes cared if he partied with them. He said he even let an ex go to Vegas with another man. I say it’s disrespectful when you’re “with” someone to want to spend the weekend with an ex.

When I said “fine, when you do that I’m going to fly to see an old male friend,” it was changed to: “well, nothing’s been confirmed yet.” What’s good for the gander is good for the goose and if he goes I will too. I am tired of being a robot and told what I will and won’t do. If it means a break-up then it does but it will be final even if it tears my heart out. I’m too old to play this game again. He is still on a dating site and has his eye on a particular woman two hours away who he says is dying to date him but who can believe a narc? I have caught him in many lies. Some he doesn’t even know about. Some I verified with his parents.

I have seen some of the women he has dated in the past and he should be happy to be with me. Some wouldn’t give him sex and were dumb as rocks. Some were uneducated and had menial jobs. Some were plain ugly. Since I changed my make up I have been getting a lot of looks from males and compliments from females. I am educated, soft spoken, polite, and have common sense. He, however, has talked me into significant debt and caused me to have low self esteem because of his comments about how “hot” other women look. He also tells me I can’t cook but no one else has ever complained.

A narc will tell you anything to suck you dry and make you feel bad about yourself because that is where they draw his or her power from. They want to be like you so by making you feel bad, they build themselves up. Some of these dysfunctional relationships go on for years. As long as 40 or 50 in some cases. And boy does the fuel source look it after being cheated on, lied to, left time after time and returned to. He or she has been sucked dry of emotions and sometimes death is welcome. Many fuel sources commit suicide so anyone who thinks that narcissism is just an ego problem needs to know what it does to those in a relationship with a narcissist. Whether it be a spouse, parent, boss, etc.

As I said before, I seem to be a magnet for narcissists. Two relationships including one marriage, and two bosses who were married to each other. The female I figured out pretty quick how to handle but the male was so vicious I ended up suing for workplace harrassment. The couple’s marriage lasted about two years and he totally destroyed her during that time. Please let me hear from you if you can relate as either the fuel source or the narcissist.

Ask Me No Questions, I’ll Tell You No Lies

As I said before it doesnt have to be a punch to be abuse. Psychological abuse is just as bad if not worse. Bruises and bumps heal but words are never forgotten. My narc tells me that my memory is poor. Is it any wonder? I barely know what day it is because I never know what is going to set him off! Today it was a doctor’s appointment. My doctor asked him to leave the room because he tells the doctor more than I do.

The doctor called him abrasive and over bearing when he left and said that I acted like a woman with “battered woman syndrome.” He has never hit me but calls me names like “cunt” and tells me he has never had a woman who acts like me. He tells me he can’t stand looking at me but when I leave he follows me yelling. His last girlfriend before me of 5 months didn’t want to be bossed and left and he said she had been single too long and wasn’t “relationship material.” Yet when she calls he leaves where I can’t hear the conversation.

His longtime girlfriend of 9 years who was 12 years older than him left with the clothes on her back, a couple of suitcases, and a couple of boxes and went total no contact across the country. He gets mad when I cry or stay quiet so that I don’t say anything wrong. He called me a “pussy” for not standing up to my doctor for him. Whatever I do is wrong. He listens to every phone conversation and doesn’t want me to talk to friends or family.

“Why do you stay?” You ask. Because he’s not my first narc but is definitely the worst. After awhile one gets used to it. He told me a few weeks ago that he had talked to my doctor on the phone and that the doctor told him he had to get me to lose weight. When I asked the doctor about it today he denied it. Then when I confronted my narc it was the nurse he talked to.

I beg of you that if you see red flags at the beginning of a relationship pay attention! I know I’m being devalued right now and it probably won’t be long before I’m dumped. I left my daughter and grandchildren to go live in another state with him and he has drained my finances. If he dumps me I will have no money to move back. I dont want sympathy. I want to warn others of the pitfalls of narcissism. Don’t believe a word of what he or she says as they are inveterate liars and flat evil. In my next writing we will discuss the process of devaluation.