Eek! There's A Narcissist In My Garden

Sigmund Freud coined the term “projection.” It is the narcissists accusations about you that he or she feels about him or herself. Anyone living through projections are made to feel crazy and question their own sanity. It can make you physically sick feeling as if you are walking on eggshells.

You will be heartbroken and often shocked sometimes. Enraged at the accusations. One has to accept that the narc is not “wired” normally and that the relationship will never be healthy. It’s never been about you but the narc. He or she when threatened, will call you things that they are.

The narc will stalk, slander, and call it self defense. He or she pretends to be experts on everything. They try to bullshit his or her way through most subjects. In a relationship they have to be the center of your universe. Playing that card to control you.

I am called “selfish” a lot. But I am actually one of the most unselfish people one would ever meet. When the narc projects he or she is actually talking into a mirror but looking at you. The person who you thought loved you becomes your worst nightmare. The treatment of you is inhumane. You are called “selfish, lazy,” and anything else he or she actually is. His or her ego will not allow the narc to think that of themselves so they project it onto you.

Sometimes you are blown away by the accusations. You are stunned, hurt, and angry. He or she will build up past accomplishments and flat out tell lies in front of you that you know are not true. But you had better not correct him or her. Their reality is lies. The narc won’t take responsibility for his or her projections so they have to go somewhere and that is on you.

Normal people accept being wrong. However, narcs can’t say that or “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Its a defense mechanism so you become the bad person. He or she uses any method to project. Distorting, fabricating, flat out lying, exaggerating, quoting others, which is often made up. He or she then denies it all.

The narc looks for empathetic, loving, high functioning people who have all the abilities he or she lacks. The fuel supply usually has a high IQ also. You need to know that his or her projections aren’t the truth. Walk away and say: “This is not about me!” DO NOT take the bait! Don’t try to defend yourself! Don’t explain or project back. Remove yourself from the situation and leave!

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart. And all they can do is blankly stare.”______F. Scott Fitzgerald

Perhaps we should define some terms. These are terms used when talking about narcissism. TRIANGULATION: Pitting an ex or family member against a current partner. Example: “my ex did everything for me.” You do hardly anything. He or she does this to make you feel inferior. GASLIGHTING: making you feel as if you are or have lost your sanity. Example: ” I saw you run over a dog.” You know you never hit a dog. HOOVERING: discarding you then sucking you back like a vacuum cleaner. Example: “I’m moving out because I’m sick of you!” Then spying on you on social media. Driving by your house. Texting you, calling, etc. DISCARDING: devaluing you getting ready to leave you. Example: “I’ve had enough of you. I’m ready for somebody new!” FLYING MONKEYS: spies who are usually friends that the narc has watching you. LOVE BOMBING: in the beginning of the relationship with the narc, they mirror you and tell you how beautiful, smart, etc. you are. Example: “You are my soul mate. I love you so much. I want to marry you!” DEVALUATION: once secure in the relationship, the betrayal starts. Compliments are replaced with insults. Example: snide remarks, rages, the narc making you feel not good enough.

If the narc is male, he can talk about any woman he wants. However, you shouldn’t talk about anyone you’ve been with. “Don’t look away when I’m talking to you and put that phone down!” He or she has to be the center of the universe. When you’re not together, you have to be in constant contact disguised as concern reporting in as to where you are, what you’re doing.

You will be physically sick. He or she knows everything about everything. They are loud, obnoxious, will cause PTSD, you will always walk on eggshells. If the narc is a he, he will want to pick your clothes out, prepare meals his way, wear your hair his way. And when we don’t meet their expectations, we disappoint them.

When we cry, it gives them power. We watch on TV what he or she wants to watch without question. They get bored and restless easily. This is one reason they can’t be faithful. Until they get tired of us and ghost us which is disappearing for long periods of time without contact and either stay gone or watch us from afar. This is what you can expect from a relationship with a narc. Love and light.

Living with a narc is like living with Satan himself sometimes. His or her biggest fear is loss of control. They will bully you until they have control of every aspect of your life. What you wear, the length and color of your hair, they compare your looks attributes to others and shame you for being too fat/thin, not going to the gym, etc.

They are life force draining. The rules change daily. They are immature and ungrateful. Mood swings are common as are explosive anger episodes over nothing. They are thief’s, liars, want total control over your finances, where you go, who you see, even your own family.

He or she focus on superficial traits such as size and shape of penis or breasts. Always saying something like “Look at that guys penis, its crooked and tiny. Mine is big and straight.” No matter what you do for him or her they are ungrateful.

They live in the past. Mine had a million dollar business that he lost because he wasn’t paying attention to what his partners were doing and they all got felonies out of it. He still tries to live off of my money as if he were still rich. He has delusions of grandeur and if I say anything he gets furious. Narcs are almost like someone with bipolar disorder with their extreme mood swings between highs and lows.

He wants everything done “right now!” If I’m on my phone he wants me to put it down because I’m not paying attention to him. He picks where and what we eat, what we do, who we see. All his therapy sessions are about what I do wrong and bothers him. “I can’t drive, speak for myself, make myself understood, or anything.” Funny since I’ve always held professional Social Work positions where I spoke in person to people and on the phone including doctors and other professionals all day.

I am working in people’s homes at this time and enjoying being on my own. I am working on my self esteem and setting stronger boundaries. If a relationship seems like too much too fast, look for other red flags also. As in real estate it can also be in relationships, “buyer beware.” Love and light.

When I was married to my first narc, I should have walked away right away before it came to matrimony. A lot of the abuse was at the beginning but I was VERY attracted to him. He was a very good looking man and a great lover. But like most narcs he had two addictions. Drinking and women.

When he married his first wife he told me it was only because she was pregnant. He said she was a terrible mother, she ran around all day eating pizza and drinking Coke and let herself get fat. He said she smelled, wouldn’t keep house, and when he got home she had nothing ready for him to eat. Now I dont know how much of this was true.

I do know that he was a verbally abusive drunk and could cut with words worse than with a knife because he left my soul open and bleeding several times. He ran around on her and didnt go home for days, staying with other women. Yet when she filed for divorce he fought it.

His second wife owned a bar and were fuck soul mates. 3-4 times a day but she drank too and gave him a run for his money. He had a certain sexual type and loved women who squirted during orgasms which I guess she did but they fought a lot. She sliced the tires on his company truck. Chased him naked through a cemetery with a butcher knife. And threw him off the bed head first into an aquarium shattering it. He hated her kids and didnt even know she had divorced him until he read it in the paper.

When we met he was with a woman but he said not having sex with her. He had his own place that he went to at night but stayed at her house while she was at work because it was in the country and quiet. He would leave before she got home because he said she made him sick eating Polish Danish for dinner instead of a meal and letting herself go. He had an aversion to chunky women. He disliked going to buffets because he said he couldn’t stand watching “all those fat ass women stuffing their faces.”

He said that there was a chunky woman he bowled with who lost over 100 pounds just so he’d “fuck her”. I’m a larger woman so why he made a move on me I dont know but he made my life hell threatening me the entire 22 years I was with him to leave because I was a fat ass!

It seems that I am never the love of anyone’s life. I’ve never been special to anybody for anything. I’m just the empath who automatically knows what the men in my life needs emotionally and I provide it. The person I’m with now told me today that if anything happened to me that he didnt think he could touch another woman for a long time. But I’ve been lied to so many times I dont trust anybody anymore. When will it be me? When will it be my turn to be adored and not lied to? I wonder if at my age it will ever happen. When my husband the narc refused to go to the doctor, leave the house, shave, or shower and I couldn’t get him to do anything, I had to leave. Three months after our divorce was final (we had been married 20 years). He died alone in the house we had shared. I felt terrible but his suffering was over. As mean as he was to me I had done as much as I could for him.

I know exactly what made him a narc. His parents fought constantly. He was the oldest and his father hated him. His father was an alcoholic and it came to the point where he was estranged from his father completely. His father beat him and he moved out when he was 15. He blamed his mother for not protecting him. All I can do is hope that before I die I can be somebody’s perfect somebody. Love and light.

I believe my mother is a narcissist . I know my brother is and they are like oil and water. My brother blames my parents for everything from having to help my dad chop wood on Saturday when he was a teenager to my mom buying him the wrong color tennis shoes. He has over the years bilked them out of thousands of dollars for legal fees. They have given him cars and property and in return he has bodily assaulted them both choking my mother almost into unconsciousness just last week.

He’s a drug addict who has had almost every bone broken in his body d/t driving under the influence. Threatened to kill everybody in the family, and up until him almost killing my mother last week, she wouldn’t file charges against him. Partly because she’s afraid of him. Now, however, she has finally decided he’s gone too far. However, unless he goes to prison she and my father have to live with the risk of his retaliation as he has threatened to burn ther house down.

Over the years my brother has shot holes in their ceiling, put a loaded gun in my mother’s mouth while she was sleeping, ripped the phone lines out of their house, thrown a hassock through the window, and multiple other vandalism and terrorism acts. Adult Protective Services has done nothing. So should narcissistic abuse/terrorism be illegal? I absolutely believe that if a fuel source fears for his or her safety d/t a narcs treatment of them the narc should be picked up.

Just like the guy who left his girlfriend at the casino without a dime to her name. She should have been able to tell security what happened and a police officer should have taken her home. Because she was over 60 and he was under, she should have been able to press charges for abandonment. If these assholes have to start being accountable for the way they treat others maybe they’ll think twice.

My parents are in their 80’s and live in a small town. There is no routine police patrolling and I live 8 hours away. My sister lives close but my brother has also threatened her and vandalized her property. Will it take him actually killing my parents before he is put away? His feelings of entitlement, his abuse of everyone in his life, his manipulation of my parents as well as the abuse of them are all illegal yet no one will do anything. I believe that when a narcissist gets to the point of where he is ruining lives, it is time for forced counseling. We have the capacity to GPS where cell phones are being used from and can read texts from a cheaters phone. Why can’t we force someone into therapy who is dangerous to society? Be blessed. Love and light.

I mentioned not long ago about how my narc was supposedly invited to help throw a birthday party for an ex’s friend two hours away and I was not invited. Well, that party was to have happened in March but here it is April and it hasn’t happened. I dont know why, I didnt ask. I was going to contact the ex and find out if indeed I really wasn’t invited or was it because my narc didn’t want me there. I decided not to sound needy or desperate so I didn’t ask her. But he was very rude and clear when he informed me he was going and I wasn’t.

He knows my headlight switch is broken and I can’t go out after dark and that I don’t have any friends here, he plans all his “alone” activites after dark so I can’t check on where he says he goes. However, I did install a GPS tracker on his phone and I record his coordinates for patterns. And yes, it is to see if there are identifiable patterns. I ask myself what has brought me here to this point? God have I become a stalker? I just hate being lied to.

So I became Facebook friends with someone who directs a paranormal TV show. His assistant called me for a story I had shared with him and they want to use it. This entails, however, me flying to New York for the interview. My narc was furious that I would go without him. I had the glee of telling him that he wasn’t invited (hee, hee, hee). It wasn’t pretty but it was worth it. What’s the phrase? “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Normally I wouldn’t ruffle feathers and I know there will be repercussions but each little victory makes me stronger.

My narc is very observant so I don’t think I could ever get away with following him in my car unless I wore a disguise. I dont want to reduce myself to that but i won’t be played a fool either. When he is sleeping I sometimes check his messages and incoming and dialed numbers writing them down also. I hate snooping like this but sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I’ve invested too much time and money into this relationship to be duped but I dont want to live like this either. I need to get away and think about everything which I plan on doing soon. Be blessed. Love and light.

If you have been targeted by a narcissist it’s because your a special person. Most targets of narcs are empaths. An empath is that person who stands up against the bully for someone else. He or she may be introverted and have little to say until engaged. They are usually very sympathetic and can be easily stressed out.

He or she holds in their frustrations and refuses to “lose it” in public. We are patient and kind, lovers of nature, beauty, art, and truth. All of the things that the narcissist is not. They are usually not very confident in their looks and if the narc happens to be exceptionally handsome, pretty, or accomplished, he or she may feel lucky to have been chosen by them as a romantic interest.

They are peace makers by nature and are easily confused by the rage inside the narc. They will give in every time to keep the peace and will make endless excuses as to why the narc was rude, angry, etc. They will do things sexually that make he or she uncomfortable and tolerate other abuse that they feel they deserve.

He or she will accept the narcs behaviors as his or her fault. If cheated on they will blame themselves for not having a better body. If the narc gambles all their money away it’s because he or she isn’t smart enough to make more. Whatever the situation it’s the empaths fault. So you see, that’s one reason for us to have difficulty in leaving our narc. Be blessed. Love and light.

Here are examples of a narcs word salad lies and discrepancies. When I don’t do something he thinks i should instinctively do or we have a squabble, he will say: well this one always did that. She could read me like a book.” Or, “I’ve never had a woman argue over the things you do!” “You sit there like a retard, what’s wrong with you? I’ve always dated intelligent women not nut cases.”

When I’m angry or thinking I have always stared into the distance which he said shows a weak character. It’s not that. Its if I have to sit there and look at his smirk I’m gonna wanna slap the shit out of him. I have a terrible temper and rather than get loud and mouthy like he does I have my own ways of keeping it under check.

His first fiancee’ who he was a business partner with started doing illegal things in their business and because he was too busy running around the country racing his dogs and going to strip clubs, he swears he didn’t know what was going on and they both got a felony out of it. He told me once that he had heard nothing from her in years and that wasn’t like her. He then told me the other night that he hadn’t seen or heard from her since she moved out of their house in the early 1990’s so which is it?

Enter the second fiancee’. They lived together 9 years and she just up and left with no explanation. He said they seldom fought but that she was a pathological liar who embarrassed him all the time with her stupid stretches of the truth for no reason. But he gave me a phone to use when mine was broken for a few days that had messages from her on it mentioning how he called her at work on a recorded line screaming and cussing at her. How he lied, cheated, and stole from her. How she had been emotionally out of the relationship for years but couldn’t get away from him until she retired.

Then his last GF before me who he was with for 5 months he said they never argued then two weeks later told me how she had a fit when he was putting her air conditioning in the window and threw down the directions and dropped it on his finger spraining it. All the behaviors of his he projects on me during therapy and I saw a message on the phone where he did that with his 9 year fiancee’. Add ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression, and an aversion to gainful employment and you have a relationship mess. I dont know where this relationship will go. It’s difficult where affairs of the heart are concerned. Be blessed. Love and light.

The worst part of being fuel for a narcissist is the blood of drama that he or she needs to survive. They aren’t happy if they aren’t making someone else unhappy. Mainly their relationship supply.

One minute they are holding your hand, the next pushing it away. One minute complimenting you on your dress and the next telling you how fat, disgusting, you look in it. How many woman or men in their past have you been introduced to or have had to hear about that they have had sex with? At least my second husband never compared me to women from his past. I didn’t have to hear about the color of her nylons or how she always wore dresses and heels like I do now.

He didn’t sleep with me after his heart surgery but it was because he had to sleep sitting up in order to breathe. Now I just get this narcs back turned to me and even though he doesn’t want sex he wants me to sleep nude even though I’m not comfortable.

If we’re in public and a woman is rubbing her man’s head or shoulder, I have to hear: “You never do that. You’re the first woman who doesnt sit on my lap or kiss me, or…whatever”. But when were in bed and I reach for him he pushes me away every time leaving me confused so I let him make the first move.

He’s always putting me down telling me to quit “Acting retarded,” etc. I’m well educated and a published author. He’s the one that acts retarded getting loud and lying about things when he gets caught. He thinks all women are stupid and need looked after by a man. He told me the other day that when we met he had several thousand dollars saved which was totally not true. He lies about this kind of thing even when he knows I know it’s not true.

I walk on eggshells all the time because I never know what will set him off. Wanting time alone. Not wanting time alone. Buying the wrong brand at the store. Going to the wrong store. It’s a guessing game for me of what will set him off. I do all the menial work but it has to be to his specifications. If not there’s hell to pay. If I’m on my phone too long, if the recycle isn’t clean enough, socks or underwear folded wrong, all are punishable infractions for a tongue lashing and name calling session. Be blessed. Love and light.

I was at the casino the other night when I overheard a conversation between a couple. The male had left the female in the bar to walk around and she had gone to the bathroom. When she came back his chair was taken. He was furious and bawled her out saying he was gonna hang out with the boys for 3-4 hours. He said nothing about leaving the premises. She looked for him for 2 hours but couldn’t find him. She had called and texted him and finally he told her he was in another town shooting pool.

He left her there alone for 4 hours. I would have left but maybe she didn’t have the money. He came back as if nothing happened and I knew the look on her face all too well. The look said “well at least you came back for me.” She might not be so lucky the next time. Sometimes the narc ghosts out on the fuel source and doesn’t come back back for days, weeks, months, or sometimes even years as if nothing happened. She danced with him in the bar and I knew exactly what she was doing. She was sniffing for pussy breath. You see, all of we empaths know the tricks. They left holding hands and I just wanted to shake her and tell her to wake up. But I didn’t want to get arrested.

If you have never been in ones clutches and think you might be…run! Fast and hard and have no more contact with them. Educate yourself about their wiles and tricks. Know the terms love bombing, triangulation, gaslighting, discarding, flying monkeys, and stone walling. Tell someone you trust what’s going on. Most narcs are just that and get their food from their victims reactions. However, some are psychopaths and have murdered or made his or her victims lives so miserable that the fuel source committed suicide. Don’t become a statistic. Find a reputable therapist and a friend you can trust.

One of my worst fears is that my narc and I would go somewhere together and he would go to get the car and leave me there. He always wants me to leave my phone in the car but I’m helpless without it and refuse to. Because with a narc what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is also theirs, I don’t have money for cable or internet. “Because I said…” is always the reason for everything. If you are a people watcher like me, you will see narcissistic or narcissistic like behavior everywhere. Not everyone who is an asshole is a narcissist but all narcissists are assholes. Love and light.